Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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