I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
