whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
