We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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