# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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