How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
