I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
