as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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