watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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