Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
