She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
