I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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