Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She bit a glass in half.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
