I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
