I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
