i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
