This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
