She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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