I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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