Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize