you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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