you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
