I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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