I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
