i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
