Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
