Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
