You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
