Ambien. No doubt about it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
