I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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