Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
