Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
