It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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