That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
