it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Come on in and take your pants off
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