Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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