I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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