Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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