I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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