so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
