I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
