New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
