You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
