I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
