honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
