i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
