Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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