plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
