Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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