i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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