rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
