she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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