Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
