i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
