I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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