I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
