I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How's work?
Spinning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
