Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
