She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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