singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
