Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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