she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
