I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
