We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
