3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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