I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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