We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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