He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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