dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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