the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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