Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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